Child Bullying

Bullying can occur at various levels throughout our society, and none are healthy or good. However, the arena of greatest immediate concern is in our school systems across the country. It is estimated that 60% to 80% of children in grades K through 12 are bullied at some time during their school career. Bullying can be a simple "one-on-one" aggressor and victim situation. It can take the form of a group not allowing one or more individuals to participate in social events or group activities. Or, it can lead to singling out of an individual or individuals and subjecting them to severe physical or emotional abuse.

In any form, bullying is the process of repeatedly applying emotional, verbal, written or physical abuse to an individual. Results can range from simple fear to emotional trauma resulting from electronic or physical stalking. In severe cases, it may lead to killings and suicides. Emotional, as well as physical scars, can last a lifetime.

A classic example is the 1999 tragedy at Columbine High School in Colorado. As you may recall, two gifted students who had been bullied for years walked into their school armed with shotguns and proceeded to shoot 13 students and staff before committing suicide. In 2000, a Secret Service investigation of 37 premeditated school shootings revealed that the shooters, in more than two-thirds of the cases, had been subjected to severe bullying.

New studies involving middle school and high school students indicates that, while there will always be students like those involved at Columbine, the greater percentage of bullying stems from the "average student" who is simply jockeying for social position in the school, church or other organization. Everyone wants to be socially accepted and part of the popular crowd. If comments on social media or deliberately leaving a perceived competitor out of a party or other social activity make that possible, then these forms of bullying become more attractive to many students.

Some effective steps to resolve bullying issues in person or on line include a number of the following:

• Try not to respond; disengage as quickly as possible. Part of what a bully is looking for is a reaction which confirms his/her power.
• Do not retaliate. Responding in kind, while tempting, only makes the situation worse. It encourages the bully to repeat the original performance. Even worse, it makes the victim into a bully!
• Though difficult, make every effort to be civil. Doing otherwise makes the victim look bad, alienates friends and encourages more bullying activity.
• It's important to save whatever evidence of the action might remain. Online threats and pornographic emails can be saved electronically. A torn shirt or a damaged cell phone are real demonstrations of what happened as well.
• In electronic situations, the bully can be blocked so that further threats can't be sent to the victim.
• Above all, the bullied child should go immediately to a parent or other trusted adult to report the incident.
• Parents should take the aforementioned steps, but should also contact school and law enforcement authorities as appropriate. Counseling for the child may be in order for more traumatic cases. Parents should never ignore or downplay a bullying incident.
• Kids should be taught to not ignore an incident, but to intervene on behalf of the victim if this can be done safely. Bullies don't win when those around them discourage and oppose their bullying ways. Training sessions, for kids and parents alike, are available on line and perhaps through local law enforcement authorities, some charitable organizations and quite possibly the school district.

Being attentive to your child and following a few basic guidelines can save your child a lot of fear, stress and possible harm. If your school doesn't already have an enforced anti-bullying policy, take steps to develop and install one.